Are you mad because I’m a homosexual?  Or are you mad because I’m overweight? 

Had a fairly good day.  My niece’s birthday was today.  We celebrated last weekend since my father had to work this weekend.  She chose where we went to eat, and it was Chinese buffet.  My roomie went with me.  It was fun, my four nieces are all so cute and well behaved.  Its always fun to see them.

Poker this afternoon/early evening with my roomie and some friends from work.  It was a great time.  I won first in 3 of the 4 games we played so I came home with a bit of money.

He and I texted a lot Friday and today.  I got frustrated tonight when I was led to think something was going to happen but he had another excuse.  Idk, I was a bit forward too.  I’m ready to turn around and walk away from the whole thing.  Its funny because I still look at him as gorgeous and amazing, smart, and funny.  I look at him as nearly perfect, so why would I turn around and leave the opportunity behind me?

Because I am frustrated.  I’m tired to hoping, and hoping, and hoping, and waiting, and crossing my fingers.  I’m tired of not planning things hoping that he will come through for me.  I’m tired of being confused about what he really wants. 

So my roomie and him, they talked about Ru Paul’s Drag Race which is starting Monday again.  So they kinda made plans to watch it Monday night.  I could care less, but it gets him over here.  As long as there is more to the evening than just that show, I will be happy.  We need to do dinner or something, or at least some post crappy show makeout?  idk. 

Hopefully Monday will at least show me where he is at with everything.  Because right now, I have no clue.  It is just so frustrating to ask myself what it is that makes him sit at home instead of come here.

Do I text him or do I wait and see if he texts me?

I got home from work and had gotten the bad news on the way.  You are probably saying it wasn’t that bad.  Actually, since none of my followers read my crap, you are probably saying, “I don’t know what the fuck this homo is talking about.”

I drank till I was drunk, pissed off my roomie, and had a generally bad evening.  But I wasn’t really thinking about him.  Until I showered.  I was close to tears.  I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know what to think.  I need to stop thinking all together.  Bad Day.

Cancelled.  He has the flu. 

FML. 

I give up, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.  I was so excited.  FML.

Well, the results are mixed, but I am happy.  Firstly, I didn’t get to see him this weekend.  But it sounds like I’m over reacting to some of it.  My expectations do not match where we are at, and I can understand that.  Everyone moves at different speeds in a relationship, and the things he is saying and doing really don’t tell me much of anything. 

He has said things that reinforce everything he has said before, so I need to be patient.

Tomorrow night we have a date with two of my friends to go see Underworld.  Excited.  Firstly, happy that we are doing something out.  I think we both are, because we clearly have been sexual in our meetings, and it will be nice to be more innocent, and go out.  I’m also anxious for my friends to meet him.

We’ll see how it goes.  I just have to make it through work and if everything goes as planned we will have a great night!  :)

So the story goes that he got stuck driving his parents to the bar and staying there with them, so he could drive them home.  Not to mention that he has to work in the morning.

I replied with “:( If I’d have known you weren’t coming I would have made plans”

It was the truth, and voices my frustration.  I also said I hoped tomorrow night.  But I’m just wondering how much of this is excuses and how much is fact. 

Help me out here, what do you think?

The rest of the week was rough.  Wednesday I said to myself that I would wait for his text.  I don’t want to push, I don’t want to be too aggressive.  I want him to come to me. 

It never happened.  So right before I went to bed I sent him a text saying “hope you had fun tonight, gnight”

The next morning I was hoping there would be something, but nothing.  I was completely off my high now, reading way too much into it.  Thursday was a long day, all those thoughts going through my head of him moving on, not being interested.  What would he say?  Would he say anything at all?  Why does this always happen?  Why do I let myself get into it SO fast?

I sent him a text on the way home and he replied.  Well, he isn’t ignoring me anyway.  The conversation was briefish, he was short, and cold.  I kinda asked why he seemed quiet and he explained that he was having a bad time at work.  Understandable, kind of explains away the fears I was having.  I said I would let him be and to text me later.

He didn’t.

Friday I get off work, optimistic.  I really want him to come over tonight or tomorrow, and would be ecstatic if he stayed over.  I’ve already told myself that this weekend is very important to see which direction this is going.  I text him and we have a good exchange.  His day is going better, he’s not sure about plans.  I invite him over and he doesn’t say no, says he’s worried about the snow.  I of course offer to pick him and and take him home.

I also offer to buy him dinner.  Of course. 

He says he will text me after work, which he does.  Says he “has to” eat with his parents.  :/  Okay, no problem.  I ask if he wanted to get together after that.  He says “Sure, I’ll let you know when we are done.

That was about two hours ago, and I’ve gone to dinner with my roomie, and I’m happy and anxious.  I really want to see him tonight.  I want to kiss him, cuddle, look at his gorgeous eyes, talk to him about his week, and of course hang on every word he says.

With any luck, my next post will be about how amazing tonight was.  <3